jeudi 15 mai 2008
I always do whatever I want until I'd rather stay in bed or be dead than do anything at all. In retrospect, all good ideas are bad ideas.
This was meant to be my happy week, but it's not working out right. I went to the orthodontist yesterday(my teeth feel very tender today) and the lady who's not my real orthodontist took care of me again. When I tell her about irregular things happening to my teeth she makes unhelpful comments like "ah well sweetie, sometimes the body does strange things". Tonight, my body is doing strange things. Due to unwise decisions made the previous night, I spent today sleep deprived, dehydrated, and plagued by a stubborn headache. The teeth aren't faring up so well either. I took two Panadols just before, but nothing happened, if not making me feel worse than before. With lack of logic making up most of the fibres in my body, I'd tried to swallow the pills with water straight out of the kettle. I spluttered it all out, but was left with a scorched mouth and melting Panadol in my mouth for 5minutes, as I blew on the water. The bitter taste of keeping Panadol in the mouth is probably going to linger on my tongue for days.
A lot of collapsing onto mattress, face first, holding my breath followed. Not just because the Panadol wasn't working, but because I've also misplaced my folder with important schoolwork in it. I HATE losing things. It's a sign of carelessness, a trait too synonymous to my name. I want to shake off all those bad things which I associate with myself. Some kind of spiritual detox is in need; hating myself is unhealthy.
I remind myself that I must stop living in perpetual remorse. Sometimes I become so engrossed by everything but the present that I forget to breathe.
Posted by sunni at 1:07 AM