dimanche 4 janvier 2009

sleeping pills

I got my results today. Not too shabby (enough to get me into the course I want) but nothing to show off either. I was expecting to do worse, and had thus been having elaborate discussions of suicide with Gabby. My idea was that if I were to kill myself, the one thing I'd make sure of is that I would die. Guns seemed like a good idea, orginially, but it's too much blood really. Wouldn't allow for a proper funeral with an open casket. And Bernie's dad, who's a pediatrician, has had a few instances of boys who have come in with half a face blown off due to a poorly executed suicide. And where would I even get a gun anyway? So in my opinion, it's probably safer to just take 10 bottles of sleeping pills. But then there's the issue of being found before you properly die, and then being rushed to the hospital to get your stomach pumped. The only way to stay safe would be to take a train out to the middle of nowhere without telling anyone, and take the pills in peace. I would want someone to find me though, so before I leave on my suicide mission, I would write a blog post explaining where I am and why I have killed myself. And the entry would be scheduled to be posted after I have well and truly died. It would be spooky for all those who read it, and possibly even cause a bit of a media sensation. I felt a little freaked out by my own morbidity and enthusiasm when I had described all this in detail to Gabby last night.

But don't worry, I'm not telling you all about my fantasy suicide because I am depressed. On the contrary, I am quite content right now. I'm just having a bit of a "what now?" type day and have nothing particularly interesting to share.

I did get new glasses though. They are tortoise shell but look like plain black in these photos. I wish they would stop slipping off my nose.

2 commentaires:

Yarshk a dit…

Hmm, speeding train and getting crushed isn't the best way to go either. You sort of go everywhere; bad for a open casket funeral. Plus, never use Connex Trains, they are so amazingly slow. You have to go for a Vline out in the sticks or something.

If i were to kill myself. I would mail all my friends and send them on a wild goose chance with strange rhymes, riddles, clues and places, up and around the city, places I love etc etc. But obviously it ends with me looks less then lively.

In terms of the method though, there's always explosive, though that again makes quite a large racket. Poisons are just too wussy for me. So I guess I wouldn't mind a good old fashion jump from a high building. Always loved the thrill of falling. Like that famous shot from the 9/11 towers with the man jumping out head first. That would of been a brilliant way to go.

Too much? i'm not nuts, i assure you.

nonpareil a dit…

um, i don't think you understand what i mean. i'm not getting hit by a train. i'm taking a train out to middle of no where AWAY from train tracks and taking sleeping pills. i might stay at a motel or something.

i'm too scared to kill myself violently. jumping from building/exploding/drowning/slashing-major-arteries/gun/etc. are all considered 'violent'.